Becoming Aware of Anger- Lisa Jo Baker

Becoming Aware of Anger

Written By: Mentor Mom Kerry Harris

Motherhood should come with a warning label. If you’ve ever struggled with anger at your husband, at your children, or at yourself, you aren’t alone! Today’s speaker, Lisa Jo Baker, shared some insights with us on how to cope with this very natural emotion. She gave us some good news. There’s nothing wrong with you. Anger—something that can so easily be turned against us—can instead become a tool to illustrate the beauty of Christ’s love.

Lisa is a former attorney, author of several bestselling books, wife of twenty years, and mother of three very loud kids. Her family, she said, is a family with a lot of feelings. As a young mom, she found herself falling into the vortex when her children had temper tantrums. Their anger would become her own, and once the rage cooled down, she’d get hit by feelings of shame and regret. How could I let myself behave this way? What’s wrong with me?

She shared some of her struggles with her mother in law, who offered some insight. Anger, she said, is a natural human emotion. When we experience it out of proportion to the situation, or when it comes faster and stays longer than our conscience tells us it should, there might be more going on than meets the eye. Everyone comes into life pre-programmed with spiritual DNA. It’s passed on to us from our family line, and like our natural DNA, each person’s make-up is unique. Spending time learning where we came from, our family background and past, can help us become more sympathetic to ourselves, and we can ask God to heal any areas of pain.

Spending time in prayer changed her perspective. In our DNA, we have incredible spiritual strengths. Lisa said it’s like each one of us comes gifted with a spiritual superpower, and these can be used to bless ourselves and others with incredible good. But alongside our superpower, there’s always a kryptonite. Recognizing this, that we all have a superpower and a kryptonite, gives us humility. We’re in awe of a God who blesses us, but we’re aware of our great need for him.

Anger is a part of being human. In a hot moment, it can be hard to back up and handle our intense emotions with maturity. For moms, this is especially hard. All day long, we’re sacrificing ourselves for our family. We’re at the end of the family chain: we eat last and sleep last, and this pressure can build up like a time bomb. 

But Jesus initiates rest. In Mark, he said it’s okay to come away with him and he will give you rest. Moms often feel guilty about relaxing, just sitting down quietly with a cup of coffee, because it feels indulgent. There are so many other things that seem to have priority. But taking time to rest is actually caring for the time that has been entrusted to us. 

Lisa talked about her struggle to get the kids together and out the door in the mornings. They always left the house in chaos, and she realized something needed to change. She’s the grown-up, she decided, and she can act like it. The kids aren’t the boss of her feelings, and one kid doesn’t have to dictate the mood of the entire family. She learned to be okay with being late, if that meant her family could walk out the door in peace. 

Recognizing the progression of feelings is another important piece of advice. She started cuing her family to signal each other when they felt something was coming on. Then they could take steps to cool it down. 

But no matter how much we try to behave, something always happens. After “I love you,” the words “I’m sorry” are the most important we can say to our children. We act out the gospel to them when we do this. As parents, we hold the power balance over our children. When we step down in humility to look them in the eye and say I was wrong, this demonstrates the forgiveness illustrated in the Bible.

This is when a moment of pain can become a moment of beauty. God always works things for good, even when we think we’ve damaged our kids (or ourselves!) beyond repair. Children are so generous with their forgiveness—they often end up blessing us when we least expect it! Sometimes we aren’t actually angry—we’re just sad. We’re allowed to be sad. That’s a human emotion, too.

So Lisa encouraged us to listen to the voice inside you, to give grace to yourself and your own emotions. The Holy Spirit can give you the gift of self-control. But if you think you’ve ever crossed a line, reach out for help and admit it out loud to someone you trust. You aren’t alone. We’re all in the mess with you. 

Maybe the next time you feel the heat, pray, take a step back, breath and then smile! Tomorrow is a new day!!