Battling Loneliness in Motherhood-10/9/19 Meeting Recap

Battling Loneliness in Motherhood

Written By: Joanna Metheny

Probably everyone in our group has struggled with loneliness at some point during their journey through motherhood. Today’s speaker, Jen Babakhan addressed this topic with humor and encouragement, offering us perspective and hope. 

Jen began her talk by describing the jarring reality she encountered following the birth of her first child, when her reality fell far, far short of the expectations she’d held about how motherhood would be. Prior to becoming a mom, she was a third grade teacher with great set of coworkers and friends, and fully expected to return to her career. When this didn’t go as planned, Jen found herself lonely and depressed as a brand new stay at home mom. She would spend countless hours scrolling social media, browsing through the profiles of former coworkers at events, who were laughing, and having the audacity to look like they were having fun, which left Jen feeling left behind and alone. She ended up with feelings of shame and guilt both about not returning to work, and also that she wasn’t enjoying every single moment at home like everyone told her she should be. 

In order to combat her loneliness as a full-time mom, Jen shared a hilarious story about bombarding a potential BFF (her grocery store cashier) by forcing her best cake pop recipe on the unsuspecting employee, complete with passing on her personal phone number. Upon leaving the store, she realized that was perhaps not the best idea and set about friend shopping differently. 

Jen then joined a Bible study to try and make mom friends. After the first meeting, she thought “I have nothing in common with these people. I don’t think I can be friends with them”. She came home and told her husband she wasn’t going back. He thought…differently. Then the group moved the study to just one street over from her house which removed one of her big excuses for not going (the 15min drive was too far). So Jen kept showing up, and after a while, that group ended up being a huge support and blessing in her life.

Wow, could I ever relate. Four years ago, after just moving to the Central Valley and not knowing a soul, I joined MOPS as a way to meet new people (and you know, hot breakfast). Same experience as Jen. After the first meeting, I came home thinking eh, I don’t know if this is for me. I have nothing in common with these people, I can’t relate, blah blah blah. I was full of excuses. But I went back because, well, I paid for the semester (and you know, hot breakfast), and MOPS ended up being one of the biggest blessings. I realized I didn’t have to have everything in common with the other moms in the group. The simple fact that we are moms and in a similar stage of life is enough common ground to form meaningful relationships. Even though I had “nothing in common”, I ended up leaving each meeting feeling inspired, understood, and uplifted. 

Jen brought up some excellent points about friendship at this stage of our lives. She talked about how friendship may look completely different than we expect it to, and that diversity is what makes life interesting. I know I expected to make great friends with people I had loads in common with, but it turned out I could make great friends with people with whom I shared very few interests and the relationships could still be lots of fun and fulfilling. 

She also talked about how important it is to make pursuing your own interests a priority, even when you have little children. God puts certain things on our hearts and gives us passion for certain things for a reason, and it is good, healthy even, to pursue those things, and will only energize us so we can bring more positivity, energy, and joy back around to our families. Jen gave us all permission to spend time doing the things we love with the simple statement that making time for yourself is one of the best gifts you can give your family.

Jen discussed how God sees us. Like really sees us. He sees all the pain and heartache we may have had, and He brings beauty out of that, having a bigger plan for us. He is playing the long game and has our backs, so that we don’t have to worry, and can just go after finding the joy He has in store for us. 

Finally, Jen gave us a couple of suggestions on how to pursue mom friendships: put down our phones, engage, and put ourselves out there. She suggested we show signs of support and solidarity to the moms we see struggling with that screaming toddler in the middle of the Target aisle. She also reiterated the importance of pursing our own interests, and urged us to bring our desire for friendship to God, because He is listening, and He sees you.