Finding our Sexuality

Finding our Sexuality- MOMS NEXT Break out session

Written By: Amy

Hi mamas! I’m Amy Lou, I am 35, I've been married to my amazing husband for almost 16 years, and we have a 15 year old daughter. This is my first year attending the Moms next meetings. I can't describe the overwhelming joy I have in my heart for being apart of this community of great women!

What an awesome, uncomfortable subject we tackled today. Our breakout moms next group watched 2 videos from Tasha Levert addressing the ever prevalent “finding our sexiness” and how to talk to our kids about sex. I think as moms of any season of motherhood, we lose our self, and the mere thought of wearing something sexy is AGONIZING because of all the dislikes our bodies may have. But take note ladies that being intentional in our sexiness helps build our confidence. I remember when my daughter was a toddler my husband and i were like ships passing in the night. We were lucky if we brushed our teeth together at the same sink. If you are a type A personality like me, i need LISTS, and checkmarks to hold me accountable. I really liked how Tasha suggested an app that's for intimacy reminders with your husband. Not that it’s a chore, but that we can really be intentional and not put that much needed time on the low priority list of our daily lives.

Having a place to talk about our sexuality, and intimacy is extremely important as Christian woman, because the world unfortunately has taken this discussion to be taboo. In fact a saddening 1 in 3 woman have a low sexual desire, and a shocking 1 in 7 men have a low or no desire and feel very alone.95% of all couples will experience some sort of low sexuality, But I love how Tasha told us in the video, that there is hope. On a more serious note, Tasha shared xxxchurch.com for resources for struggles men and woman may have in this area. Being intentional in our marriage helps keep us to not remain stagnant in the bedroom. Being spontaneous and taking responsibility are all helpful points she shared. Tasha also reflected on the staggering amount of relationships that have been tainted by pornography. “Bringing in Pornography to a marriage bedroom, removes intimacy”. The want can turn into an addiction, reconstructing our brains to make it the “norm”. The hope conveyed by Tasha is We can all experience more, if we are willing to put the hard work in.

Being married to my Ryan for almost 16 years has definitely had its ups and downs. Its seasons of happiness and lulls in the trenches. God has always been the center no matter what. And we have both learned to bend, and move and compromise with one another to have success. The old cliché statement “communication is key to a healthy marriage” is true! We have grown up together and learned together, and most importantly at this season we are bearing fruit. Which is what God intended the whole time, But i still have my days of hating my body and him loving it. I so wish i had his beer goggles lol Just remember just like surface relationships don't bare fruit, it's the same in our marriages.

Reclaiming our sexuality as busy moms, wives, taxi drivers, chefs, etc. (the list goes on doesn't it?) can be tough! Like Tasha said she felt she lost herself on how to be a woman. Which is easy to do. Some helpful tips she shared, was to quit wearing boring undergarments and put on something sexy! She also shared that she has this one particular perfume she wears that she only uses when she knows the night is going to end pretty well.  :) We need to celebrate our sexuality, be creative, and find and understand your style. We need to be who we were created to be. God designed us to share that one intimate special time with our husbands because it is so special. What makes you feel pretty? For me it's doing my hair and makeup, wearing jewelry and wearing something sexy that catches my husbands eyes. Even if it's just a night in. Just like cupcakes need frosting so do we. I definitely don't want to be a muffin! Taha also said that we were made to have an experience with our husbands that’s not dutiful. It's so much more than just pleasure. Have honest, caring conversations with your husband. In the content as well it was mentioned if talking about your sexuality is uncomfortable search out a counselor that you can talk with about. Remember, being proactive is important. More importantly. Be kind to ourselves. It can be a struggle to remember what it feels like to be a woman again. But having a great sex life is better than a gym membership, and it boosts our self esteem.

The biggest take away i think of this section of the video, is that when we are secure in every aspect of our marriages especially the bedroom, our kids can pick up on that contentment. And in turn there is contentment in the household, and future relationships for our children. Tasha reminds us to kiss, hug, be vibrant and fun and playful in our marriages.

The talk

Tasha again gives us key examples as how to
relay one of the most difficult conversations to our kids. We had great
discussions at our table about this, the nervousness, the question: “when is
the right time”? Stirred up some emotions at our table. I really love the
diversity we have. All different aged kids. We all bring something in to share.
I had the talk with my daughter on her 12th birthday, because she started
asking more and more questions about things that it was obvious it was the
time. My husband put a promise ring on her wedding finger and he told her, when
the man that God chooses for your husband marries you, he removes this ring and
puts his on. It was a Symbol of the importance and sanctity of marriage and
sex.and she wears it every day.  Our video content on this section
encouraged us to not be terrified of this subject, and to embrace it. I love
how Tasha says to be a resource for our kids, and as a parent to find your
style. Maybe it's to be anatomically correct, or to use words like “coo coo” or
“ninnies” lol just make it private and special. And include both parents. Don't
make it a big deal. When big uncomfortable questions arise, answer and move on.
No big deal.

We have to be aware that if our kids are early
bloomers. The talk doesn't have to be scary, or shameful. Conveying to our kids
that certain parts of our bodies are covered up because they are private. And
only mommies, daddies and sometimes doctors see those parts. The topic of sex
doesn't have to be Taboo, maybe it was for you growing up, but in the world we
are in today our kids are going into a spiritual warfare everyday. With things
shoved in their faces, with social media, and kids being subjected to things a
lot earlier these days, it's important that we as parents pay attention and
when it's time for the talk be the FIRST person to talk to your kids. Our kids
are going to get the physical logistics on how sex works from school, and
possibly their friends, but they won't get the spiritual aspect of it and how
God designed it for us. Oneness with someone and tearing apart and then oneness
and tearing apart is BRUTAL. That is why it is so important for us to talk to
our kids so nobody puts a negative spin on it.

I love how Tasha explained to her kids, that
when they are born they are full of “kid”, and as they get older, certain
music, or movies, can cause them to lose some of their “kid”. And we don't want
that because being a kid is fun and free! And we want to hold on to it as long
as we can. As the beginning sex conversation with Tasha’s oldest daughter, her
daughter asked if this is the type of conversation that she might lose a little
bit of her kid, and of course Tasha said yes, you will lose a little bit of it.
So her daughter decided she wasn't ready to lose some of her kid quite yet. I
LOVE this, for you moms that may be reading this with little ones, what a great
idea to implement into your babies! Protecting their hearts and innocence for
as long as we can. Reclaiming Sex education in our family is so important for
our kids. Not school, not friends, not church. US. Parents. Healthy families,
and the benefit that follows is unmeasurable.

Thank you once again, MOPS and MOMS NEXT for providing another amazing meeting!

-Amy