Fanning Your Flame

"Fanning Your Flame"

Written by: Nina Lydon

MOPS is a great place for mamas to come together and refill our cups, renew our strength, and be poured into instead of always pouring out. Our last meeting was no different, with good coffee, hot breakfast and a great mixer bingo game; I was ready to listen and receive from our speaker Julie Landreth. 

Julie spoke on the idea of “fanning your flame” revolutionizing marriage one woman at a time. This idea can sometimes be daunting. After all we are moms, we do it all already. After a long day of being a nurse, chef, hairstylist, chauffeur, referee, professional maid, and personal shopper for small children, on top of all the other responsibilities in our lives, the last thing we want to be is “sexy”.

After all, sex can feel just like another way we are pouring out to someone else instead of poured into. Julie gave us a few tips to help us “fan the flame”. First she talked about studying your spouse and their patterns/behaviors to find the best time to connect with them. Her other suggestion was to discover your partners love language, once you know more about how your partner views love, you can show him love in a very specific way. 

Julie touched on the biblical principle of being “naked and unashamed” with our spouse. (Genesis2:25) I believe personally that this means being completely vulnerable with your spouse, baring all your flaws, fears, and secrets. This is sometimes easier for women than it is for men. Julie encourages us as women to  try to connect with our spouses on a deeper level in order to make sex more meaningful.

Men and women are different when it comes to sex. Women connect emotionally to sex and men connect physically. Men seek out the physical connection and release of chemicals in the brain oxytocin (bonding chemical) and endorphins (feel good chemical). Women seek out the emotional connection that intimacy brings. So having sex with our spouses is so much more than just intimacy, it creates a bond chemically, physically and emotionally. 

Don't know where to start? That is okay! Julie stated the three C’s to get started. Confidence, communication, and comfort zones. Start with building your confidence up, remember that you are made exactly the way God created you to be. You are a masterpiece. You were made with a purpose and put on the earth to do only what you can do. You are the only one who can love your spouse the way that you do. Communication, remember to communicate with your spouse the best way you can inside and outside of the bedroom. If we are feeling connected to our spouse emotionally we are far more likely to create those special moments with our spouses intimately. Lastly, Comfort zones, sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zones to spice things up. Climb in the shower with your spouse, wear something sexy to bed or send a flirty text or two. Just showing your spouse that he is needed and wanted can be exactly the spark you needed to “fan the flame”.