The Annual Men's Panel

Men's Panel 2/27/19

Written By: Nina Lydon

In my opinion one of the best things about MOPS is the diversity it gives us. At each table sits different women with different life experiences and different parenting styles coming together for one program. While each mom is unique in her abilities to parent her child or children, every mom brings a new perspective to each aspect of parenting. If you ask one question in our group you are likely to get twenty different answers from twenty different women.  But what about a mans perspective? MOPS has once again brought diversity into our lives by offering up three men who are brave enough to face down a room full of mama’s and share their opinion on a variety of topics. Our men’s panel did an outstanding job of opening up and letting us in to discover a man’s point of view on many subjects like parenting, social media, marriage and sex. 

Scott Stubbert, Bill Walmer, and Jay Clark did a fantastic job of giving us so much information that I hardly had time to write it all down. Listening to them share their wisdom and experiences in their own marriage in such a humble and thoughtful way was a great insight into the way that men think and process most of life’s situations. 

One of my favorite questions asked was “what should women know about men?”. Jay Clark answered that men can compartmentalize things into boxes. There is a work box, a home box, a relationships box, a children box. This is opposed to women, who are more emotional and mesh everything together in one giant box. I found this definitely hit home. Why is it so easy for men to just plop down on the couch at the end of the day and unwind, while we bounce around the house at the end of the day preparing and setting up for the next day, a never ending to do list on our mind? It is easier for men to “box it up”, put it all away for a bit to relax. Women have an internal list in our heads that doesn’t just include today, but tomorrow, next week, and sometimes things happening next month. 

One other point that the three men agreed women should know was that men are pretty simple. When it boils down to it men really need three things from their wives, food, respect, and sex. This idea seemed so foreign to me and a little bit crude, is that all we boil down to as wives? Food, respect and sex? If I were to list my top three needs from my husband I’m sure we would definitely not match up. But when you tie this point to the first point, it makes a lot of sense. Women are naturally more emotional creatures and therefore our needs are emotional. We need love and support and trust. We tie our needs to our feelings, if we feel loved and appreciated by our spouses we feel supported. Men compartmentalize their needs and they in turn boil down to the three basic needs of a man. Aha! Lightbulb! This clicked for me so well in our meeting.

Another great question was “what works for your family as far as family bonding time?”

Scott answered, Keep one night a week as family time. You could do a game night or a movie night as long as you are all working together. Bill answered the same question with camping as his best family bonding time. Being able to disconnect and recharge away from the ebb and flow of life helps him to bond with his family. Jay says the most important thing he did for his kids was spend one on one time with them. Get to know them and learn about the things they like. I felt like these were all great pieces of advice whether you are a man or a woman. My biggest takeaway from this question was a resolution to spend more one on one time with my kids. This will sometimes take me out of my comfort zone. This sometimes means picking up a skateboard or a video game controller and getting on their level and investing valuable time in their lives.

Lastly the trio were asked to name one thing they have learned from  their experience in marriage. Jay reminded us to love our spouse like we did when we were dating, don’t forget why you married then in the first place. Bill told us when conflicts arise remember your goal as a family, think about where you want your family to be in the future. Scott answered to have grace with your spouse, be humble and remember nobody is perfect. 

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed our Men’s Panel this year! There were a lot of really great take-away points. I’m ready to take what I’ve learned and add it to my tool belt as a wife and a mother. Thanks MOPS for another great meeting!