"I can build a No Regrets Marriage" Meeting Recap

I can build a No Regrets Marriage

By Rhonda Stoppe

written by Joanna Metheny

As usual, I left this week’s MOPS meeting feeling incredibly uplifted and encouraged. Our speaker this time was author, mother, and pastor’s wife Rhonda Stoppe. Her fast-paced, yet laid-back style (she gave her talk barefoot!) packed in so much wisdom that it was challenging to take it all in.

The main topic of her talk was “I Can Build a No Regrets Marriage”, and yet she covered so much information beyond that. She had us all try to remember the wife we thought we would be on the day we got married, and compare her to the wife we are now. A good bit of laughter followed that comment. She then discussed how our expectations don’t necessarily mesh with reality, but that we can still have a passionate, thriving marriage.

 It seemed like each of us at our table was spoken to by a different tidbit that Rhonda shared. One of the things she discussed was the search for emotional intimacy in a marriage. Often when that breaks down, spouses look to each other to either blame or heal the divide that’s been created. Rhonda shared something I’d never considered before: after the fall in the Garden of Eden, man’s intimacy with God was destroyed, but in turn Adam and Eve’s intimacy with each other was damaged. Because of this, our search for true intimacy with our spouses will never be fully realized unless we set our sights on establishing intimacy with God first. Once we pursue intimacy with Him, things can start being repaired (or just get better if they’re already good!) in our marriages.

Another great bit of advice she shared was the concept of writing God’s word on your children’s hearts. Rhonda is a master of scripture memorization, and has a whole library of entire chapters of the Bible memorized. She shared several stories of adult believers who, in times of trouble, relied on the scripture and songs they learned as a child in order to get them through their struggles in adulthood. She stressed the importance of not only scripture memorization for us as mommas, but also instilling it in our babies.

One other great tip for our marriages was respecting our husbands. I feel like I hear this message all the time: women want to be loved and men want to be respected, and yet I still need to keep hearing it more in order for the idea to really stick. She reminded us that our husbands need our encouragement, need us to build and lift them up to give them confidence. She suggested gracing our husbands with our laughter, and especially in public. Ladies, even if you’ve heard his jokes a million times before, it will build him up if you start laughing at the punch line again.

Rhonda also stressed the importance of us pursuing our husbands sexually. She mentioned that most men struggle with feelings of inadequacy, and that our best defense against that is to pursue them. She said, “Do this, and they will feel like they can conquer the world.” I know many (all?) of us are exhausted at the end of the day, but Rhonda suggests maybe asking your husband to put the kids to bed while you relax with a bubble bath to get out of the mom mindset, and then “make it worth his while”.

Finally, I think one of the other great nuggets she shared was about the struggles we go through in life. Oftentimes, when God hands us a challenge to overcome, it’s not necessarily about us. Sometimes it has very little to do with us, even though we are the ones struggling. Sometimes he is using us as an example so our children can see how to walk through trials with grace, and sometimes he will use our story to encourage others facing similar challenges. The theme throughout never changes though. We should always seek God first, and turn to the scriptures.

~ Joanna